I am a conquerer

2012-02-12T16:30:00.001+08:00

I love you.

I'm sorry for every hurt that i've caused.
I'm sorry for every misunderstanding i created.
I'm sorry for every emotional moment i started.

You're the best thing that's happened to me.
I don't ever want you to leave.
I don't ever want to live a single day without you in my life.

Don't give up on me, because i'm not going to give up on you anymore.
Let's look forward to the future, and chase our dreams together.

You, Me, we'll make it right.

Wearing your heart on my sleeve:)

2012-02-11T21:10:00.002+08:00

Make me strong.
Strong enough to overcome these emotions.
Strong enough to stand up on my own.
Strong enough to live my life for me.
Not anything else, not anyone else.

2012-01-09T13:57:00.000+08:00

Sem 2 has officially started :)
Today was the first day of school, and well, it sure was short. Only had a 10-12pm NM lecture.
So far, my timetable's looking good! I sure hope i get the tutorial slots i bided for :)

Shifted back to my lovely room full of hearts in Kent Ridge Hall yesterday night. My family and i sure had a horrible time trying to clean out those dust bunnies! But i'm glad things have settled down, and my room's sparkly clean now :) So happy to be back in my room again :) I'm sure going to miss my family again, but yeah, the weekends are not that far i guess!

It's the Inter Hall Games (IHG) season now. And yeah, things sure are heating up in KR. Can't wait. It's good to be back. Back to my wonderful KR family :)

Until then,
have a good first week of school y'all.
Oh, and good luck to those getting back their O level results!

2012-01-07T04:24:00.001+08:00

There are moments where you lie wide awake at night, and wish time would pass real quickly so that morning would come.

There are also moments where something that happened in the past causes a part of you to feel insecure at times. And maybe that's why you get too paranoid at times. Not because you dont have faith in that person, but because you're afraid.

Afraid of change.

2012-01-05T22:04:00.003+08:00

Year 2011 was a pretty good year for me.
It was a year of many beautiful experiences which i hold dear to my heart.

The first half of the year was defined by my job as a teacher at Saint Andrew's.
Day after day, i'd wake up in the morning feeling so excited to see my boys again, and how a brand new day at school would be like. Each day was marked by a different experience altogether. Night after night, i'd lay in bed, feet and throat all tired from teaching, but joyful. I would say that i was truly joyful then. I know there were many times where i was very emotionally affected by certain events that occurred, such as the harsh treatment of the classmates against an evidently innocent autistic kid, or the constant refusal to corporate by certain boys, but i'm glad things turned out alright in the end. I remember how i was fighting hard against my tears on my last day of work, and how i simply broke down when the class came together to surprise me with a pizza party contributed by their own pocket money. I remember how little boy Wesley hugged me tight and told me to never leave him. I remember Kaiden saying "Who's going to help me now that you're leaving?" I remember this silly Hua Jing making a card for me, but was so shy to give it to me at first. It said "You are the best teacher i ever had." So many beautiful moments, i remember. And i'll hold them close to my heart. Study well boys, and make Miss Heng proud. I love each and every one of you, and i'll always believe in you.

The second half of the year was defined by University, Kent Ridge Hall, and You.
The time had come where my long holidays had to end, and i soon realise that i was an undergraduate. This season was marked by a sudden flood of responsibilities now that i was away from home, now that i was in university. Kent Ridge Hall has been the best decision i ever made so far, and i really can't imagine how university life would be like without KR. The family i found here is irreplaceable. The experience of KR has been incredible so far and i'd do anything to have it all over again. I can't wait to see how sem 2 will be like :)

The best thing that happened to me in 2011 was having met you.
You're amazing, you're a gem. 6 months ago, i told you that. Now 6 months later, my stand still stays. You're amazing, you're a gem. They may not have cherished you in the past, but i'm not them. I'm definitely holding on tightly to you.
The moments i had with you, i'm gonna hold them close to my heart. I hope you will too. Someday, we'll be together. Someday, we'll have our story to tell. I wish, i wish upon every star there is out there. I hope, with every hope there is that the sun will rise tomorrow.

I'll say it now:
I love you bear. I love you with every bit of my heart.

2011 was a year of change for me, in almost every aspect in my life: Love. Home. School. Self.
I remember there were moments where i simply broke down, because i couldn't keep up with the changes that were taking place in my life. But yet im glad i held on tightly to the person that i was. And somehow, manage to turn these changes into a good one in the end. I would definitely say that i've grown as a person, and it's something i'm proud of.

In 2011, i also realised who my true friends were.
Friends who never fail to be there for you, who will never ever judge you. Friends who will be able to take all your shit, and still believe in every bit of hope there's left in you. Friends who will make you laugh at the saddest moments. Friends who make you so happy, you just cry because you are so, so grateful for them in your life. Friends who grow up with you, and go through every moment with you.

Javre, thank you.

2012 will be a better year, i know so.
2012: You'll be amazing.

2011-12-16T18:43:00.000+08:00

Hey there all you lovely people :)
It's been a million years since i updated my blog, haha.
But i would have to admit- Life's been pretty awesome :)
December's been such a joy so far, and i simply can't wait for Christmas. It's going to be wonderful.
Ever since the semester ended, i've been having non-stop fun. It's great being finally able to meet and catch up with the people i love and have missed :) Oh, and i've been eating lots of yummy yummy food. Mmm.

Unfortunately, i have been pretty sick this whole week. Gastric flu has been quite cruel to me, but i'm glad i'm getting better already. I'll be off to Bintan in two days, so i guess that will be the perfect getaway for me after such a horrible week in bed.

Until then,
may y'all enjoy your christmas shopping :)
Santa Claus's coming to town, let's make sure we won't miss him this time.

2011-11-04T01:42:00.002+08:00

Hello November,

you're back again. I'm not sure how you're going to be like this year, but for the past few years, you've been real dramatic on me. You brought grief, loss, bondages, and even death. Yet, you're still my favourite month. Because you remind me of how much i've been through, and how much of a different person i am now.

I know it's only been four days, but i hope you'll be kinder to be this time. I dont think i can take another blow. 6 years is enough.

This year, i want to make sure November's worth it.

Let's start by working hard for Finals :)

2011-10-15T19:05:00.003+08:00

I've been an emotional wreck this whole week.

And i've made many silly decisions which i'm not proud of.

But i'm glad to say that i've got a hold of myself, and i'm feeling much, much better.

Thank you.

Thank you for being there when i almost lost myself.

Thank you for reminding me of my dreams.

You're someone i might actually love one day.

We'll let time tell.

But for now, I appreciate these simple moments. I really do.

2011-10-13T21:51:00.002+08:00

Don't ask me why not.

You were the one who didn't cherish me 5 years ago, and you know what?

I've moved on.

I don't care if you haven't, and i don't care if you're breaking.

The fact is, you broke me once. And you cut me deep.

And all these years, i've been trying to mend whatever's left of my heart.

And i've been surviving, well without you.

So don't you dare ask me why not.

Because it's impossible. I will never walk down that path again.

Unlike you, i have my dreams.

2011-10-05T03:16:00.006+08:00

Family, i miss you.

Somehow, i've been real home sick this week. Despite the fact that i just met them for dinner two days ago, i still feel that it's been ages since they were here with me. Just got off the phone with mummy, and it was nice to know that everyone's doing well at home. It was nice listening to Sam and Eden pray for me.

"Dear God, help da jie to do well in school. In Jesus's name we pray, Amen." (Eden)

"Dear God, please take care of da jie because she is living alone. Make her safe from all the bad guys and make her happy. Amen" (Sam)

After i hung up, i just can't help but cry.

How i wish i could be there to give them a hug. How i wish i could be there to give Sam a kiss for scoring full marks for his spelling. How i wish i could be there to tell daddy that i'm glad he made it through another day in his shop. How i wish i could support Joycelyn and tell her how proud i am of her for studying so hard. How i wish i could play with Eden's hair and choose pretty dresses for her. How i wish i could laugh and wiggle my nose with my mother. How i wish i could be there to play caron with my family. How i wish i was there to have a cup of fruit juice with my family, like we always do.

I'll be back soon. Only 2 days more.

For now, pictures will keep me going.

For now, pictures will do.

2011-09-25T19:43:00.002+08:00

Been busy mugging for mid terms.

Can't believe it's the end of recess week already :(

This week's going to be a long, long week.

I'm weak. I'm only human.

but You are strong.

2011-09-20T03:04:00.002+08:00

It's 2.42am and i'm awake.

I've been trying to sleep since two hours ago, but this insomnia seems to be acting up on me again.
Somehow, it's thoughts that's been keeping me awake this time, not nightmares. Thoughts which make me feel so afraid.

Keep hardening your heart, Elaine.
Don't love. Don't expect anything.
Or he'll walk away.

Truth is, I can't harden my heart.

I can't do all these things without feeling, without commitment, without love.

I treasure myself too much.

It takes two hands to clap.
And it hurts to be clapping alone.
Cause at the end of the day, you realise that you are just fooling yourself. Thinking that he might actually clap back.
Cause at the end of the day, you just end up feeling cheap and used.

Yet somehow, i really want to keep clapping :(
I really want to love and care for you :(
If only you'd feel the same way.
If only you'd take the first step for once.

One day i'll find a man who will clap back. And make music with me.
One day i'll find a man who will love me tenderly. Who will allow my heart to melt, not tell me to harden it.
One day i'll find a man who i can spend forever with, knowing that i mean the world to him and that i'm a gem.
For now, i'll be who i am.
Free, beautiful, and priceless.

2011-09-15T01:52:00.001+08:00

It's times like this where i realize how much you mean to me,

and how little i am without you.

2011-09-10T02:36:00.004+08:00

I can't really find the right words to tell you how i feel right now. But i shall attempt to share with you my heart, and i hope it might encourage you :)

How does it feel like to love someone?

How does it feel like to have somebody love you?

Deep down inside, we all yearn to be loved and accepted. We all yearn to be cared for and treasured. It's beautiful- how love can be such a powerful, powerful feeling. It brings joy, it draws people together. It somehow makes one feel whole, and complete.

It's heartbreaking.

Heartbreaking to see how many of us try so hard to find love. So hard that we lose ourselves in the process. So hard that we lose every bit of love that we had within us in the first place. I've heard of so many stories, and witness some myself, of how people start hating themselves because they feel that there is not one person in this world who loves them. And it makes me sad :(

To be honest, i've been through such a phase, and that's why i can't help but voice out what i truly feel in my heart. Because i know there are many of you out there who do feel this way as well. And i really do want you to know that it's not your fault for feeling this way.

Insecurity- it kills us all. It's scary how quick a person can fall just because of one word. Being judged is a frightening feeling, a feeling we all try to avoid. And that's why we try. We try so hard to fit in, to be like others. Just to be accepted. Just to be loved. I used to be very concerned about what people thought of me. And i'd hate myself for being so imperfect.

But you know what? I've realised that changing the way you look, the way you behave, the way you are does not help you gain love. Doing that only draws the little bit of love that's left in you. Love is not found from being that perfect person that everyone adores. At the end of the day, the whole world may adore you, but you'd never be happy if you don't love yourself.

Instead, love comes from loving. I think. Loving others, and loving yourself.

When you've learnt to stop looking at yourself and focus on others, you realise how much love there is you can give to others. And when you give of yourself to others, you realise how much joy there is in loving someone. And soon you'll see that that's really what love is all about- Unconditional, giving, enduring, and accepting.

Will you love today?

p.s No matter what, there is always someone out there who loves you. I know so :)

2011-08-28T22:41:00.008+08:00

Just finished supper with D block :)

Our Resident Fellow (RF) bought pizza, nuggets and ice cream for us :) yum yum :)

School has been rather stressful lately :/ Time seems to pass by so quickly in university. I've been dashing through my days, and it's been long since i took a moment to appreciate the beauty of a brand new day.

And as i lay in bed this morning, i looked up to my ceiling (which is now filled with hearts. Thank you Gab :) Yay) , and i realised how blessed i am to be where i am today. Still alive, still breathing, still pressing hard towards my dreams. And that's when i smiled. Not because life's perfect, but because it's a brand new day. A brand new day to make best of what i have.

hey honey, how have you been?

i know life's getting tough now that this season has started.

but don't give up, don't break down

i'll be here for you- because i'm with you.

2011-08-25T02:02:00.006+08:00

When i saw you today, i smiled.

2011-08-22T00:43:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, we get reminded.

Reminded of the scars which we were once afflicted with.

Sometimes, we get encounters.

Encounters which digs out the hurt we tried to bury a long time ago.

These few days have been a whirlwind for me. I've been having nightmares, and sleepless nights.

Is it ever possible to bury our sorrow? Is it ever possible to erase the events that happened before? Is it ever possible to get rid of the scars that are embedded deep within our hearts?

I've realised.

It's not about burying our sorrow. We can spend years digging the deepest hole, to bury a broken toy. But you know what? The broken toy is still there. It's still out there somewhere, deep- but still there.

It's not about erasing the events that happened in the past. When you try to erase pencil marks, the pencil marks may be gone. But hey, there's still eraser dust. There will always be remains of the past.

There was once a house. It had a dark basement, which a little girl was so afraid of. She'd avoid the basement at all cost, and would close her eyes each time she walked past the basement. Because it was an old house, the planks used for flooring tend to have gaps. Every once in awhile, the girl would accidentally open her eyes. And she would see the darkness of the basement through the gaps. Fear would grip her, and she'd cry for nights.

One day, her dad decided to help her overcome her fear. He held her hand and went into the basement with her. The girl was frightened. She'd cry and grab her father's hand so tightly. Day after day, her dad would bring her to the basement and walk her through it. Slowly, the girl realised that the basement was nothing to afraid of. After awhile, she wasn't afraid anymore.

The basement was still there, but she could walk through it alone, and come out unafraid.

Its about facing these events. Dealing with the sorrow, and accepting what has happened. And move on. The events will always be there, and we'd still look into the gaps of the floor once in awhile, but this time it's different. Because we are no longer afraid- it no longer hurts.

It's not about getting rid of the scars that are embedded deep within our hearts.

Scars make us stronger. Scars remind us of what we have been through, and how we are still alive and breathing. Scars are a mark of a warrior- brave and strong. Still conquering, still fighting.

2011-08-19T00:39:00.004+08:00

What's up guys, i'm back :)

Summer has ended, and it's back to school. My days have been pretty happening these few weeks due to the big hooha of being a freshman. Bidding of modules, tutorials, getting lost around school, taking wrong buses, trying out all the different canteens in NUS, being able to actually wear home clothes to school, oh, and omg laptops in lectures?- yea, everything seems new and foreign.

Anyway, KR (the hall which i'm living in now) has been pretty awesome :) My days are never boring :) With the inter-block games around the corner, everyone's been having a whole lot of fun playing sports such as Floorball and Volleyball :) It's nice living with your friends because you can "jio" them do play anytime, and yes, literally anytime. Playing sports at 12am seems like a norm now. Haha! (Yay i used the word "jio"! I just learnt it) Well, i'm glad to be in the KR family :)

Here's some photos of Rag and Date night :)

9 August 2011, Rag Day (:

11th August 2011 Date night (Dating game)

"Embers, we're burning bridges down

Envelopes stuffed with feelings found

To write this down as means to reconcile"

- Embers & Envelopes, Mae

2011-08-02T02:03:00.006+08:00

It's all happening again.

2011-07-28T19:19:00.005+08:00

Dont worry, i'll never leave you unless i have to.

But that's why i want to treasure whatever that's going on between us, and take time to know you better first.

That's why i want to cherish you.

Cause you are a gem.

Be it a friend or a lover, you are a gem.

2011-07-27T13:20:00.003+08:00

Broken promises, broken hearts. On certain days, i wake up wishing i never opened up my heart at all. At some point in our lives, we do feel that the world is crashing down upon us, and it's during such times where we start feeling betrayed, lost, and alone.

Many have asked me why i made that decision- that decision to leave you. Honestly, i can't believe it either. But a heart can never lie. At least my heart can never lie. I just don't love you anymore. I'm not strong enough to keep having to face you, and deep inside, i still feel afraid.

I'm sorry for breaking my promises, and i'm sorry for breaking your heart. All i know is that time will heal everything, and those scars will be mended in faith, hope, and love. You are an amazing person, one i never regretted being with. But i know this is for the best, at least for now- at least for me.

Someday love will find me, someday love will be enough.

Life has been a storm the past few weeks, with all the changes that have been taking place around me, but i'm glad to have emerged victorious, and undefeated. You should too. You'd be happier this way, at least i know i am.

2011-07-23T23:35:00.003+08:00

Somehow, i've been putting up this facade really well.

Sometimes, i wish i could just be real.

But that would mean broken, used, and helpless. I can't do that.

I have to smile. I just have to.

It's the only thing that's keeping me sane.

But i'm glad im slowly learning to be brave. Brave enough to face what i fear the most, and that's a step. It's a baby step, but it's a step. And i know i'm not alone. For those who have stood by me, and made me smile this week, thank you.

p.s FWOC was really awesome. Period.

2011-07-14T12:25:00.001+08:00

It's really over this time.

2011-07-13T16:13:00.002+08:00

The past whole week have been rather extraordinary.

I have been to two camps consecutively, and had tons of fun. I have made many new friends, and i have experienced what it's like to cheer your heart out. Many have asked me why i am so actively involved in camps and well, i guess, i really love the feeling of being part of a team, i love challenging myself, i love having to wake up knowing that my day is going to be exciting.

I guess the main reason is simply the fact that i just want to cherish what i've got while i'm still alive and young. I want to share joy with people i love, i want to build friendships that will mean the world to some, i want to give off what i can to this university which accepted me (Sorry if it sounds corny, but it's true. I truly am grateful for being accepted by NUS)

It's great to be able to finally do what i love, and what makes me happy.

And even though my body seems to be breaking down on me, i'm joyful. I don't care what my circumstances are, i don't care about what's going to happen next, the fact is- I'm joyful.

2011-06-29T20:59:00.003+08:00

The feeling of family is one of the best feelings in the world.

Just came back from Arts camp one week ago. It sure was one of the best camps i have ever been to. There were so many new experiences, challenges, and definitely newly found friendships :) I shall not attempt to describe everything that happened during the camp, cause that will take at least 4 hours for me to do so, and well, honestly i'm really drained right now. But here are some pictures that were taken during Arts camp :)

I'm so grateful to be part of T house (green). I have never felt a bond so strong in a camp before. So strong that seniors 7 years older than i am would still come back year after year to visit Arts camp, just so they can get a touch of the T house spirit once again. A bond so strong that seniors would cry at the end of camp because they remember how they were once freshies who had an amazing camp experience before. One the first day of camp, i didn't expect much (other than the usual camp stuff, and fun, of course), but now i leave the camp feeling so amazed by what had just happened over the past 5 days.

It makes me so excited for university life. Because i know that i am not alone- that i have a family which i belong to :)

p.s I broke my sleep record. Slept only 2 hours for 4 nights consecutively. Heh.

p.p.s I LOVE TUSHIE!! <3

2011-06-12T22:46:00.003+08:00

Today was a heart-warming day.

Despite the unfortunate events that happened, i'm truly happy to realise that people actually do have a natural ability to give, and care for others.

Daddy was down with fever and food poisoning today. I decided to go and buy the nice yummy famous porridge for daddy to cheer him up. Well, because it was nice, yummy and famous, there was a really long queue and i ended up having to wait for 40 mins just for one packet of porridge.

The weather was scorching hot, and my low blood pressure condition didn't really help. As such, i blanked out and fainted onto the ground. It was really horrible :( Cold sweat started flowing down my face and body and i started shivering, despite the hot weather. It was the worst feeling i ever had. Because my head was dizzy, i had to lie down and so i laid on the table (Okay yuck, it was really oily)

Well, what touched my heart was the amount of care i received from the people around me- people i didn't even know. The coffeeshop aunty started feeding me porridge for free as she thought i had fainted due to lack of food (Which isn't true because i just ate like two bowls of noodles and a chocolate biscuit before that. Haha oops) One couple bought me a glass of warm milk. I told them i was allergic to milk, and another uncle (Who was queueing up for porridge too) bought me milo instead. Two middle aged ladys started to fan me, while another aunty started to put medicated oil on my forehead. I felt like a queen. (Haha!) After about 15 minutes, an old lady who was in her mid 50s asked me where i lived and she started to walk me home since it was only opposite. Despite her old age, she held onto my hand tightly and supported me (my legs were still weak then). When we reached the lift, i told her that she didn't need to send me up and that i could manage myself. Yet, she insisted on bringing me to my doorstep.

After the whole situation, i just couldn't help but cry. As i lay in my room, i cried as i felt so touched. It was a torturing experience, but i never expected Singaporeans to be so caring. And it made me see the world as a better place. There is some heart in each and every one of us after all.

And then i started thinking of life, and i cried even more. Why is it that the world is so caught up with making money? Why are people becoming more class conscious and skeptical over relationships- always cautious and alert, prepared for the moment your best friend will betray you one day? Why is it that as one grows up, one has to stop smiling as much? Why is it wrong to be who you are? Why do people even judge in the first place? When was the last time you told someone how beautiful they are? Why is it that people are afraid to complement others, because they are scared of being looked down upon? Why is everything about competing and being better than others? Why is work more important that family, love, and friendship?

So many questions, yet so little answers.

"That's the way life is."

"No money= no life."

Is that what life is really about?

Yet, today warmed my heart It made me see that amidst the stress, amidst the confusion, love still exists. Kindness still lingers in our hearts. It's nice... it's comforting.

2011-06-11T23:29:00.002+08:00

We all grow up eventually. In one way or another.

Over the past 6 months alone, i realise i have changed drastically.

Somehow, my mindset on things is rather different right now, and i suppose it's a good thing :)

When i was young, i used to look into the future and wonder how i would be like when i was older. As a six year old, i used to picture myself as an eighteen year old, with the same baby face, yet taller. And i would giggle to myself, realising that it's impossible to see how i would look like in the future. As a child, i'd tell myself that i'll never change- i'll still be the girl smiling over chocolates and sweets, and nothing else mattered as long as i was happy. I remember telling myself that when i grow up, i would be a farmer, a detective, or even a part time maid (Cause i was so excited to wash the toilet with my mummy each time)... and that i'll be the most funkiest mother i can ever be to my kids. I would tell myself that i will still be wearing pretty colourful flower- printed tops and never ever look like the many aunties i see down the street. I would dream of wearing strappy heels and carrying handbags. Oh, and to never be boring. I would spend time drawing what i imagined of myself 10 years older. It was fun.

Right now, as i look back, i just can't help but laugh at how silly i was when i was young. Somehow, i am glad that i didn't turn out to be exactly what i imagined myself to be. Cause that would mean me being overly talkative, and definitely mischevious. Or maybe someone that constantly breaks whatever i touch. Or yes, i'd have long black hair that reaches the ground like repunzel. (Haha)

Yet, i find it an incredible journey. Life- that is. And i'm grateful. Grateful for where and who i am today.

How have you changed?

2011-06-05T22:56:00.003+08:00

Whoopee the June Holidays are finallly here! :)

I've been having a great time with my boys :) Despite longer working hours, i'm really enjoying myself! :) I'm glad i'm able to contribute to my workplace by helping to organise the holiday activities. It's great seeing the boys enjoy themselves, especially since they worked so hard for their exams before that.

On Wednesday, we even brought them to Nex to watch Kung Fu Panda! There's still more to come :) Can't wait to swim with them at Sengkang swimming complex, have a bowling tournament with them, do exploding science experiments with them, and oh yes! Go to Pasir Ris park with them! Whee.

I keep telling myself to cherish time with my boys before i leave :( It's my last month of work. And i only have about 11 days left of work since i'm taking so many leaves for my uni camps :( But oh well, i guess i should be grateful for having such a wonderful work experience :)

Anyway, i found this really cute picture:

Have a great week y'all!

2011-05-31T14:37:00.003+08:00

It's 31st May 2011.

Exactly two years ago, we started on a journey. A journey we didn't expect to be so tough. Then, we thought we could overcome anything and everything. It seemed so perfect- you and i, walking through life together. Nothing could bring us down, not even the darkest of storms.

We were wrong.

So many times, it felt like everything was breaking apart. It hurt each time we fought because of our differences. I finally understood why many couples never worked out no matter how hard they try. I finally understood what it's like to love someone with your whole heart. At the same time, i knew how it felt like to have your heart broken into a million pieces. I finally understood why a person would give up his all just to love a person. At the same time, i learnt how it's like to have your all taken away from you.

But you know what?

These two years have been the most amazing two years of my life. And i'd do anything to got through it all over again. It's beautiful when you have someone who loves you for every bit that you are, and have someone you love so much, that your heart has a reason to continue beating on. It's beautiful when there is someone there for you whenever you are feeling down, and have someone you can depend on through thick and thin. It's beautiful to be able to have something to look forward to throughout the week- to see the face and smile of the man you love so much.

With that said, i'm excited.

Excited to experience yet another year with him. Excited to find out more things about him i never knew. Excited to see where our love can take us. I know it has been really difficult, but i wont give up. Not anymore.

Happy 2 year anniversary, R :)

I love you :)

2011-05-26T21:31:00.003+08:00

I LOVE CAMP BLUEBLOOD 2011 :)

Just came back from the most KRaziest camp ever! :) It was NUS Kent Ridge Hall's exposure camp: Camp Blueblood 2011! :) Wheee. I feel so so happy now, it's back to orientation mood all over again. I really had such a wonderful time playing all the games. From the pool games, to war games, and even the Secret Pal games! Everything seemed so exciting as all the games were very new to me. What made it more special was my beloved blood group:

POKYHUNTERS! :)

Aww man, i'm really so sad that the camp is over :( The past 3 days passed by really fast! :( But it will definitely be a moment i'll never forget. Anyway, i'm really tired. Shall update proper some other time :)

2011-05-18T20:44:00.010+08:00

Why is it that no matter how hard i try, it's never enough?

Why am i always faced with such a difficult decision?

Why can't i just settle down and know that somebody loves me and treasures me?

Why are all men the same?

7 years ago, i met you. You were my first crush. We were still young and naive, and we didn't know how difficult a relationship would be. I remember staying up late to sms you. We would sms and talk online for hours. You were my laughter, and i never laughed as hard with anyone else but you. Even now, 7 years later, we still laugh at simple things- with the little conversations we have every now and then. Our relationship was short, because my parents never let us happen. Somehow, i just had to let you go as i chose to listen to my parents. Since then, we just went our separate ways. And our "crush" on each other was lost.

5 years ago, i met you. You were my first boyfriend. You were my perfect guy. I remember the intense emotions i had when i was with you. We dreamt together all the time- of our special island, which belonged to only the two of us. We dreamt of flying to the highest of skies, to the deepest of seas. We talked about everything we ever dreamt of, and together, we lived our dreams. I remember how you always challenged me to reach towards my goals. I remember you taught me to believe in my dreams. With you, i'd risk anything. I remember how i used to sneak out just to meet you. I remember how much i went through just to be with you. I went against my parents, i went against my values, just so i could be next to you. I fought so hard to be yours. But along the way, things changed. We weren't dreaming anymore. You no longer loved me. I became your toy, and you stopped loving me. Instead, you got physical. You only needed me to fulfill your desires. I had to give you up, because i just couldn't take the pain anymore. I loved you so deeply, but i knew things between us would never be the same again. So i let you go.

2 years ago, i met you. You were my first true love. I never felt so in love with anyone in my life. You were my joy, you were my everything. I never opened up so much to anyone before and you became a part of me. It's funny how i fell in love with you. You weren't exactly the type of guy i ever dreamt of having before. Yet somehow, the moment we fell in love, i knew you were the one. I thought you were the one i would spend the rest of my life with. You know my inside out. You know what makes me happy, and what makes me sad. You understand my fears, and you secure me. You helped me walk away from my past, and you helped me to embrace my future. You were the only person who held on to my hand so tightly, the only one whom i trusted enough to give every part of me. You were my best friend. I remember writing letters to you, day after day without fail, just to tell you how much i missed you when you were at Tekong. I remember how you would laugh at me and tell me how beautiful i was. I remember how patient you were with my mood swings, and how much faith you had in me when i wanted to give up. You loved me, like no man ever did.

It's sad how different we are. We come from different worlds, and we just couldn't make each other happy no matter how much we loved each other. Whenever i'm with you, i just feel so happy. Words can't describe the joy i have whenever i'm with you. But we kept fighting because of our differences. And each time we fight, it breaks me. For two years, we tried so hard to complement each other. We ended up changing ourselves, in order for this relationship to work. In the end, i just lost myself. I was no longer the Elaine i was before i met you. Because i loved you, it didnt matter. As long as you loved me back. However, as the months passed, i realised i was depending too much on you. All my emotions, my thoughts, my life depended heavily on our relationship. As such, i lost my life. I lost myself. The things that used to make me happy, the things that used to make me smile, it no longer mattered. As long as you loved me, that was all. The things that would make me sad, the things that make me cry, it no longer mattered. As long as you loved me, that was all. I didn't mind sacrificing myself, just to be with you. And that was wrong. Because it made me feel cheap and broken. So many times, i would give myself up for you, and it hurt me. It was really painful. Because of this, i became too emotional. And i lost control. I lost my worth. This relationship soon became a burden and it became too painful for me. So i had to let go. I just had to. In order to find myself again.

And now, i just can't help but cry because i really loved you with my whole heart.

And once you give your heart to someone, you can never get it back.

And that's why im breaking apart.

When can i be a treasure?

When will someone love me for me?

When will i be precious to someone that would never leave me?

Why is it that i can never be good enough for anyone?

Why?

Aargh, i can't type anymore. Somebody, anybody, just kill me now.

2011-05-12T21:54:00.000+08:00

The weather has been real odd these days. Just two days ago, i was feeling as though i was baked in an oven, yet now i feel like i'm walking on ice (My toes are numb) Oh dear, what will the weather be like in 10 years? I'm worried for Mother Earth :(

Anyway, i have recently decided to curl my hair. Oh dear, im still having mixed emotions though (Like the weather. Haha see! There's a reason why i used it as my "introduction". Okay nvm i'm kidding. That was a spontaneous connection i made.) On one hand, i'm really really excited to curl my hair as i've been pondering about it since i was thirteen. Yes, that's like... 5 years ago? (i'm still eighteeen! Not nineteen yet til November. Hee) Yeah so i've finally build up my courage to book an appointment at a hair salon. "I demand a professional." That's what i told the person on the phone. Haha!

However, i'm super scared that it wont suit me! :( I recently posted a question on Facebook asking for a public opinion on whether i should curl my hair. And to my horror, like almost everybody (but one. Thanks Novi. haha i know you still read my blog. So HELLO!) said NO. Nobody wants me to curl my hair :( Oh dear. Is it because it doesn't suit me? Aaaaah. Some friends said they loved my long silky straight hair now. And well, i do love it too. That's why i havent dared to make a decision for 5 years. Even Ron is discouraging me to curl my hair :( Booooo.

But i seriously need a change. I'M BORED :/ I like change. I like taking risks. And that's why i've made that decision to curl my hair. Friends, please don't laugh at me if i look weird! :( Oh dear. The appointment is next tuesday, on Vesak Day. Okay, Elaine.. breathe.

p.s Omg i'm sorry if this post is damn bimbotic as it's mainly about me and my hair. Aaah i am just voicing out my thoughts. As i usually do on my blog. And well, my hair has been on my mind for like the whole week. So i just have to voice it out. Sorry!

2011-05-07T18:07:00.002+08:00

Hello friends :)

It's Mother's day tomorrow!!! Yay i'm so so happy. I love Mother's day :) What a beautiful day to celebrate our mother's love. It's nice that there's such a day set aside for us to be grateful to our mums :)

It's quite sad that nowadays, people are getting more and more busy with their work/study lives. It's true that sometimes, we do get too caught up in our daily activities - so much so that we neglect the unspoken things that are happening around us. Like our mother's love, and care for us. Well, i do hope that all of us will be able to take time off to celebrate Mother's day with our precious mums tomorrow :) I can't wait to be a mummy one day too, and celebrate Mother's day with my children. Heehee :) (That would be at least 10 years later, of course!)

Anyway, life has been quite wonderful these days. As you can see from my previous short and lazy, but genuinely happy post: I have been accepted by NUS! :) Oh yes, my dream school since forever :) I can't believe i am labelled as an "UNIVERSITY UNDERGRADUATE" now. I feel so happy for being able to be where i am today, and make my mummy and daddy so proud of me! :) For those that haven't got confirmation from the universities, don't be disheartened alright? There's still up til 1st June :) And no matter what, God is always in control :)

Well, i've been busy pondering about hostel accomodation these days. Along with my very best friend, Anthea :) Heehee :) Well, after much thought and intensive research, i have decided to put my first choice as Kent Ridge :) Hopefully they will accept me! With that said, i feel so happy now as... I AM GOING TO KENT RIDGE'S BLUEBLOOD CAMP 2011! :) Wheee! :) I really feel so excited! I love camps! :) University life already seems so exciting for me, and i just can't wait to leap into August! I've heard so many people warning me that university life is really tough. To be honest, i do have my fears and insecurities regarding how i am going to survive this (After almost dying from A levels), but i am definitely determined to do my best! I can and will make my parents and myself proud! :)

Alright, i gotta go now.

Mother's day dinner tonight! :) Can't wait to give mummy my present for her ^^

2011-05-04T09:47:00.002+08:00

NUS FASS HERE I COME!!! :)

2011-04-21T09:14:00.001+08:00

Today marks the beginning of "The King", an Easter musical production by none other than Trinity Christian Church. After months of practice, the big moment is finally here. It's amazing how much God has blessed me through this production, as I sacrifice time to commit myself fully to dance in this production. Its wonderful- the feeling of being surrounded by church people, all having the same one goal to serve our King with our talents. I cant wait for tonight. It's going to be power packed, it's going to be life-changing. There will be breakthroughs, chains will be broken. I know so, and I simply can't wait for the holy spirit to move :)

Anyway, I'm aware that many bad things have been happening lately to all cast and crew. And it only goes to show that there is something happening in the spiritual realm, and that something big is going to happen through this production. Amidst all the misfortunes, I still have faith that God is in control.

I thank God that my cramps are much better this morning, after a whole day of torture yesterday as I consumed more than 12 pills of painkillers. And it won't stop me from dancing for my King.

Anyway, I went for NTU Communication's pre admission reception at Conrad hotel last night. It was super grand, and it really gave me such a great impression of the school. I can't believe that I even got shortlisted, with grades like mine! And I thank God for it :) Now it's definitely one of my options, but I shall wait for my letter from NUS first (oh, and i got accepted by SMU School of Social Sciences too!!! YAY) Wow, the food at Conrad Hotel was like super nice. There were sooo many desserts too. All of top notch quality! And once again, as i started eating everything and started commenting on every taste of each dish- being in my Masterchef mood again. Haha! And yeah after the cocktail, we all went into the ballroom, where each of the professors welcomed us, and talked about the various courses. And wow, I am definitely interested in the area of "Jornalism", and "Advertising". Looks like I have so much more to think of now. But still, it's great knowing I have so many choices! Can't believe I got into all my first choices, despite not doing that well. Praise God! :)

Okay I better wake up now and get to work. I shall dance my best today!!!! :)

P.s Here's a photo of R and I. Hee :)

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2011-04-14T22:45:00.004+08:00

Happy Birthday, Rah!!!! :)

Omg the desserts were "Absolutely.....PERFECT." (quote from MasterChef)

p.s BTW, we ate a "Chocolate Soufflé", and a "Vanilla Ice cream filled Profiterole" because the

cooks in Masterchef keep cooking it, and we were in MasterChef mood! :)

Mmmm it was awesomeeee! So friends, if you want to make me happy, treat me to dessert!!! :)

p.p.s Omg in Masterchef mood now. I shall train hard to make a perfect Chocolate Soufflé! LOL

2011-04-09T00:09:00.000+08:00

There was once this magic jewel, that was so pretty and precious. The jewel had the power to make a person smile, and feel loved.

This girl loved the precious magic jewel deeply. She couldn't take her eyes of this jewel. There were many people warning her not to be too obsessed with the jewel, for one may lose himself because of love.

The girl didn't care, for the jewel was really too beautiful in her eyes. The girl wanted to hold on to this magic jewel forever and continue to embrace the smile and love which the jewel gave.

However, what she didnt know, was that she was trying too hard to keep the jewel. The magic jewel was too powerful to be stuck with a poor little girl. It was too overpowering. At the same time, the poor little girl was too fragile to hold on to such great power. Yet, the girl kept holding on to this magic jewel. She didn't mind losing herself. She didn't mind sacrificing herself. The magic of the jewel constantly burnt her skin, but she kept holding on to it and try many many ways to maintain the jewel in her hands.

Few years later, the girl was broken, completely burnt. She couldn't recognized herself anymore. She used to be stronger, she used to be beautiful. Now she was burnt, disfigured and broken. She was tired of trying so hard, for she finally realized that the magic jewel held far too much of a power that she could ever be worthy of. She gave up trying, she didn't care anymore. The jewel was too precious for her. She wanted to be who she was before- a strong, beautiful princess. So she let go. And let go forever.

Now the thing about love, is that once you love something, you can never completely get rid of it. The jewel was stuck on her palms. She couldn't let go of it. And that's why she can never ever be the same again. She is still overwhelmed by the beauty of the jewel. But the power of the jewel will never, ever suit her. She simply isn't strong enough.

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2011-04-07T22:39:00.003+08:00

Yay I just went for SMU Social Science interview today and it turned out pretty well :)

The whole atmosphere of it wasn't intense at all. And it made me feel very comfortable, and relaxed. It was nice to gain a whole new perspective on certain psychological issues which i have been very curious about. I felt so previledged to be able to have a personal informative time with two professors. I really do hope i got through the interview :)

Anyway, I'm still awaiting a letter from FASS to see if they accept me. If both universities accept me, i really can't decide between the two!

I understand that NUS is definitely more prestigious, but i really dont like the competitive atmosphere over there. Besides, it's soooo far, and that would mean that i have to stay in a hostel. However, FASS definitely provides more variety of choices (in my perspective), and it's definitely more recognised abroad. As such, i've always had a keen interest in FASS since my secondary school days.

On the other hand, SMU seems to appeal to me to a huge extent mainly because of the unique way of teaching. I like how they emphasize on participation in class, and how they focus on communication skills. It definitely helps mould their students to be more all- rounded, and probably more confident- a very important aspect in future. And yes, it's in the central area, which is much nearer to my house (It's super accessible!) I like how the atmosphere here seems less competitive, and how they are able to provide each and every student with ample opportunities (as compared to NUS where you have to constantly work hard for points in order to gain something) The people here seem to be more fun too. But sadly, it isn't as recognised yet. That's my only main issue, or i would have definitely gone to SMU straight. Boo.

Having said that, i am still very uncertain if i should go do teaching in NTU. (It's my third choice. My first was Communications. Second was Psychology.) I understand that it's quite a random option, compared to Social Science, but during this holiday, i have really discovered my passion for teaching as well. I feel such great passion within me whenever i teach, and i know i sound like im exaggerating, but i really do feel it every single day whenever i go to work, and give tuition. I feel dead tired, but i feel so alive whenever i teach. And it makes me happy :) (Okay i know you all are rolling your eyes. Haiyo, roll it back please!) So yes, i'm still pondering very very hard as to whether i should go do teaching. I know it's a very very very very random decision. Well, i've heard that it's not worth to spend 4 years in NIE. I guess maybe if i still have the passion for teaching after 4 years, i can do a direct 1 year course (At least thats what i heard!) In that way, i can have more options in future?

Oh dear, i guess i really have to do more serious thinking about which university i want to go to when all three universities have sent me the acceptance letter (Hopefully!)

Wow, it feels great to know that i actually have choices! :)

Well, the most important thing is for me to do something that im passionate about :)

p.s Sorry for the draggy conflicting post. I am just thinking aloud. Bleaaaah.

2011-04-03T22:12:00.007+08:00

Gem 6 Dance Concert (By Temasek Poly. It was awesome.)

I feel so happy right now.

I have finally signed up for a hip hop dance course at Jitterbugs (It's the one at Cathay!) Wheee, it's starting on 26 April and i really cant wait :) I'm still deciding whether i should sign myself up for the contemporary class as well, since i have always liked contemporary dance :) Sadly, the contemporary dance classes are usually held on Thursdays, but i'm busy giving one of my tuitions on that day :( Oh well, hip hop shall do for now. Yay!

Oh, and i might be signing up for a scrapbooking course from "Made With Love". Cant wait :) I can finally learn to make pretty scrapbooks and albums :) How i wish life could be like this forever. It's great being able to do the things you love and once dreamt of.

p.s Omg my blog layout is kinda screwed. Sorry, will change soon.

"We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world."

2011-03-30T00:01:00.000+08:00

I've been checking my email almost every hour this week. Its scary to see all my friends around me going for interview after interview by the universities. Yet, none of the universities has even called me yet :/ I seriously hope that's a good thing!

Anyway, things have been improving. Apart from the cold and slight fever that I caught two days ago, everything else seems to be alright. I guess there's always a silver lining to a dark storm. And perhaps, this time, it could be my turn to find my silver lining :)

"I am a conquerer." She told herself. She believed it, and that was what she became.

I have to keep on believing. Its time to move on, for good.

P.s I realize that my blog view count has increased ever since I shut my facebook and twitter account. So to all the new viewers, thanks for visiting my blog, and making the effort to catch up with my life :)
Oh, and please don't spread my link to random people I don't know, thanks

2011-03-28T10:22:00.000+08:00

And what it takes I don't care
We're gonna make it I swear
And we could help each other off the ground
So we'll never fall down again

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2011-03-20T11:28:00.000+08:00

There is a monster deep inside each and every one of us, waiting to come out. It hates to see you happy, it wants to pull you down.

Life is a constant battle, and I can't just let myself lose control. This is my life, and I have to keep overcoming whatever that's thrown upon me. I can't dwell in the past no more, I can't take the blame for whatever's been done. I can't let the monster in me tear me apart again.

When you are all broken and weary, that's when you realise where/who you depend on for your pillar of strength. It's during this season where God is showing me who my true friends are, those who really do care for me. Not just ask "Are you alright?" and leave it as that after I say "I am fine." when I'm actually breaking inside. And I'm grateful. Grateful for such precious people in my life.

I have to get through this, I have to. And I will.

P.s I have recently deactivated my Facebook and Twitter account, so please don't think that I have blocked/deleted you. It's for personal reasons, so I do hope you will understand. Thank you so much :)

2011-03-18T23:55:00.000+08:00

Mistakes, they scar you for life.

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2011-03-18T15:54:00.000+08:00

Ever had one of those days where you just woke up feeling down and out?

You can't figure out the source of these unspoken emotions. You try so hard to rub it off but all that only makes it worst. Then you try to ignore it, but the sounds in your head get louder.

We all get such bad days every once in while. Some less. Others more often. I've been going through a very emotional period, and I really wish I was stronger. I guess God is using this time to mould me into a stronger, confident woman in him, as I learn to let all these hurtful emotions go and lay it all at his feet.

It's funny how one can be so happy for one moment, yet crumple into brokenness in the next. What then, do you use to piece yourself together? Who then, do you turn to? I can only think of One person. And without Him, I couldn't have made it this far.

To all those out there who are having a bad time, you are not alone. No one is. Somewhere out there, there is someone who is going through the same thing as you. And most importantly, someone else that cares and loves you that he'd do all he can to help you.

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2011-03-15T21:50:00.003+08:00

Hello hello, time seems to pass so quickly these days. I can't believe it's March already! (A levels was 5 months ago! Whoaaaa, felt like last week) Well, it's March Holidays for most students now, and being a teacher, it definitely affects me as well!

Work schedules have been changed drastically due to the fact that most students now come to the boarding house at 8am instead of the usual 130pm as they have no school. And this naturally means longer working hours and having to report to work sooooooo early to work. Boo. It's been 5 months since i woke up before 8am. Gosh. Thank God it's only a week!

Anyway, i still love my job, and i guess i'm grateful to be able to spend more time with my boys :)

Work aside, i've been having such great time dancing my nights away. Did i mention that i joined my church's Easter production? Oh yes, i went for the dance audition and got in! The dances are great, and i know that the production will be a successful one. So please, if you are interested, do come and watch our production! :)

It feels great to be surrounded by church people, and the fellowship we share has encouraged me to continue growing in God :) Whee, okay i'm off to bed.

2011-03-09T20:20:00.000+08:00

A level results are out, and I have never felt so relieved :) I remember half a year ago where I would be sitting outside the staffroom day after day, meeting with each of my subject teachers for consultations, and more consultations. I remember being last in the cohort for Biology, and had even special attention from Gary Neo. (Heh, now I got a B! :)) Oh, and I remember camping at Macs with Dan and Zad every night to mug. It sure was memorable :) Looking back, I can't help but be so proud of having made it through so far. Thank God I didn't u-turn. I remember I almost submitted my application to repeat another year. Whoa, that would have been 1 more year of torture :/ Whoo I'm free!

Now I'm busy applying for university, and I am quite excited about what is in store for me. I know university life is going to be real tough, but if I could made it this far, I'm sure God will be faithful and be my strength to help me to keep moving forward :)

Okay I'll have a photo update the next time I post. See you!

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2011-03-03T10:42:00.000+08:00

It's ending.
It's starting.
It's breaking.
It's renewing.
In the end, it's still hurting.

I can't take hurting someone so much. I can't take being hurt so much myself.

This burden is too heavy for me to bear. I really can't do it anymore. There's no one I can turn to- no one that finds me important enough. My friends are slowly leaving, my love is lost.

Its breaking.
It's ending.
No more starting.
No more renewing.
In the end, it's still hurting.

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2011-02-23T20:55:00.000+08:00

I have to get through this, I have to.

A level results are coming out in 9 more days. Words can't express how afraid I feel right now. Somehow, I just can't seem to face the reality of it all. Currently, I'm already going through a difficult phase where I can't seem to comprehend the various emotions that has been bugging my heart. And well, I just don't feel strong enough to face a list of results which will determine the rest of my life.

I don't know why I'm feeling so down and insecure lately, but I just wish I could be stronger. Stronger than I have ever been before. God, please help me.

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2011-02-19T22:54:00.000+08:00

Ever felt so overwhelmed with joy that all you want to do is skip around like how a child would after mummy bought her a Teddy? :)

Well, that was how I felt when Ronny gave me the bouquet of flowers on Valentine's day :) I know that many of you must be thinking that giving flowers is so cliche, but when he presented me with the flowers, I couldn't help but smile for the rest of the day. It was so beautiful and lovely that my heart melted instantly. But it was so unexpected, especially for a guy who forgot Valentine's day last year and wished me "Gong Xi Fa Cai" at midnight on Valentine's day instead of "I love you" Haha, that's why he's my silly boy.

It feels so great to have someone who loves you and would do all he can to make you happy, despite how insecure you can get at times. Sometimes, I really wonder where all this patience in Ronny comes from. I have to admit that I'm a difficult girlfriend to be with, but Ron never fails to put up with the crap I give him, and still never fails to make me smile.

I love you, Army boy. Happy Valentine's day <3

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2011-01-27T20:49:00.000+08:00

Life has been very dramatic for me these days. Within one week, my leg was grabbed for 45 minutes, my right eye was punched, and just today, my hand was grabbed and I was being manhandled.

All by one 7 year old boy.

It's not easy being a teacher, especially when there's an autistic kid in your class. Yet, each day I walk home feeling so fulfilled, so satisfied, as though I have just won in a war. Here are two facts I realize about children:

1) Their favourite shop is Popular bookstore.
One of my boys go there almost every other day. It's a heaven for them. There are all sorts of colored pencils, markers, and paints. There's even post-its and colored staple bullets. Oh and did you know they sell long rulers that can be swords too? And there's even mechanical pencil- Aka injection needle. What more can I say? Popular sure is the best shop in the world!!!! ;)

2) They are VERY VERY weak, weaker than a 89 year old elderly.
Go watch them when they are doing their work. Everything seems so perfectly fine until study time comes. All of a sudden, they feel so cold (they blame it on the air con), they are so tired (they blame it on the lack of nap time), they suddenly have bladder problems (visiting the toilet every 15 mins), they are worst than children in Africa (they say they are starving and will die soon if they don't eat), and one of them even has a heart problem (he says he can't breathe and can't focus and is about to faint almost everyday)

Haha I love my boys. They may be silly and naughty at times, but they never fail to make my day :) oh, and did I mention? All of them had full marks for spelling today :) How wonderful is that?

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2011-01-19T23:16:00.001+08:00

Hello all :)
How have you been? :) Well, for me, my life has moved on to a brand new season altogether.

Ever since 2nd December (last A level paper), I have been having the time of my life. Hanging out with my friends, going for parties, going for camps, holidays, basically everything I have always been dreaming to do when I was in the midst of mugging for my A levels. Well, that season has passed, and I have no regrets :) (Note: Look at the photo update below to see what i mean)

Now I have finally found myself a job :) Yay! And yes, i am finally considered more "settled" now. Currently, I am working at Saint Andrew's boarding house as a teacher to a class of adorable, playful, and exciting boys. It's really such a great opportunity to experience how being a teacher is like. And yes, it is no doubt stressful. However, I seem to really enjoy what I'm doing, despite all the stress. Seeing all these young children and having such a wonderful opportunity to play a part of their growth, in moulding their character, as well as being an influence in their life, I truly am grateful to be where I am today. I really thank God for helping me get this job. It really has given me a broader perspective on what I want to do in future, and this area is definitely one of the options I am considering. However, I still need some time to think and pray about my direction in life, so I guess it's really all up to God, and yes, my grades. At least I took a step. It's a baby step, but it's a step :)

Oh, and I'm giving private tuition too :) Since teaching is one of the options I am considering to do in future, I figured that I should try to gain as much experience while I can :) haha I finally manage to get two tuition assignments. And one of them is starting this Friday. Eeeek. I hope I will be able to be professional! I really am feeling quite scared, but I will give it my best shot :) yay!

Okay I ought to sleep now. I have a class tomorrow! Bye :)

xx
Miss Heng ;)

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2011-01-19T21:32:00.007+08:00

My life after A levels :)
2nd December 2010
Sec 4/1 class picnic at Bishan Park! :)

3rd December 2010
Prom shopping + "Tangled", the movie + Clark Quay with Novi :)

4th December 2010
East Coast Park with birthday boy, Ronny :)

5th December 2010
Makan tour to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia with Family :)

6th December 2010
Stayed at home to pack my room. (And also because i was damn tired. Heh)
No pictures :) Heehee.

7th December 2010
Prom shop with Mummy :)

8th December 2010
The "Red Carpet" event at Raffles town club
Then post prom at Clark Quay

9th December 2010
Dinner at Soup Spoon at Ion Orchard with Rah and Chel :)

10th December 2010
Decorated my room with paper planes! (With Novi and Daniel)
Then dinner with R at Little India. Haha

11th December 2010
East Coast Park with Marilyn :)

12th-15th December 2010
Langkawi with family!!!! :)

16 December 2010
Slept the whole day cause i was so tired

17th December 2010
Ronny's Parade :)

18th- 21st December 2010
Youth Camp
- No pictures to update-

START OF R'S BLOCK LEAVE! My days with R starts from here! :)
22nd December 2010
Fetched R from Jurong.
Went to his house to play with Apple (his dog), as well as watch tv together :)
Then we walked to Val's houe, where i had a Sleepover party with JAVE :)

23rd December 2010
"Meet the Fockers" the movie with Val, Waiyinn, Anthea, Francis, and Ronny. It was a triple date! :)

24th December 2010
Christmas celebration at Trinity :)
It was amazing!

25th December 2010
CHRISTMAS :)
Sakae Teppanyaki with R, Christmas service at CNL

26th December 2010
"Tron Legacy" the movie with R :)
Trinity grad cell :)
-No photos to update-

27th December 2010
East Coast Park with R! :)
Dinner at R's grandma's house :)

28th December 2010
Movie Marathon with R :)
- No pictures to update-

29th December 2010
Sentosa with Alpha "girls"

30th Decenber 2010
Bowling, Manhattan, Kite flying with R for the first time @ Marina Barrage :)
aka "The day our kite flew away". Hahahah!
-No picture to update: Eh R, you still owe me pictures in your computer. Boohoo-

31st December 2010
LAST DAY OF THE YEAR!
Movie Marathon 2 with R :)
Watchnight Service @ Trinity :)

1st December 2011
Family outing to the farm to catch fish, and prawns! :) (R came along!)

2nd December 2011
Rachel's nineteenth birthday celebration @ Swensens! :)
Kite flying with R @ Marina Bay for the second time!:) Bought a Squid kite!

3rd December 2011
End of R's block leave :(
Sakae Buffet wit R :)

4th December 2011
Dinner + Playground with Old Cnl girls :)

5th December 2011
Official first day of work! :)
- End of photo update-

Can you see why there is always a reason to smile now?

2010-12-22T13:38:00.001+08:00

the hope of all hearts is you. My God never fails, my God never fails.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

2010-12-16T15:09:00.004+08:00

Hello friends! :)
Sorry for not updating for such a long long time. Have been waaaaay busy. Teehee :)

Okay this will be quite a short one because i'm slacking at Crystal's house now (Okay her room is really really interesting. It has such a huge bed. It's not fair!)

Anyway, A levels are finally over! :) Wheeeee.

And since 2nd December, i have been constantly going out and doing so many things i have never done before. It has been a joy being around the ones i truly love, especially those i haven't seen in a million years! :) Having to put aside all that workload and stress that has been bottling up within me since sec 3 really makes me feel so light and happy. I can't wait for what's coming up in the next few months, it's simply too exciting :)

So far, i've finally seen a real huge waterfall, been to Clark Quay at night, and finally understanding what it's like to say "The night is still young". I finally get to chill at the beach again, watching the sun set. I have finally mastered how to put on make up on my own (Thanks to Novi. Love u. Haha but i still prefer to be natural. Well, at least i gained a woman's skill!) I have finally experience what it's like to be surrounded by eagles, to be in a real bat cave, sat on a banana boat, and yes, i have finally took up the courage and learn jet skiing. It's awesome. I finally get to be surrounded by stars, and lay in the grass while watching the beautiful full moon, i finally climbed a mountain and yes, fell from one too. I finally get to experience what it's like to live in a jungle, surrounded with nature, waking up in fresh air (And yes, get raided by monkeys trying to steal my food too. Hee) I finally have muscle aches from shopping, and yes, finally doing song covers with my friends. It's real fun. I finally get to taste lots of yummy food, like the indo food Novi brought me to, as well as tasty soup R brought me to drink. Yay. I finally got to be in the clouds too! Took the highest cable car, and went throug the cloud. I felt so happy because it has always been what i dreamt of- to be in the skies. I finally got to travel through a mangrove river as well- it used to be one of my dreams as a child when i watced those shows like "jerrasic park" and "Anaconda" (Sounds lame, but i really felt so so happy). Oh, and I finally get to self invite myself to my friends' houses (Like how i self invited myself to Crystal's house today, and how i used to self invite and bathe at Anthea's house). I really feel such great joy. Having to experience the things i have always dreamt of.

There's so much up ahead. Like finally getting a proper job, spending days and days with Ronny when he finally has his leave, curling my hair, camping and lots more camping, meeting up with more long lost friends, going for lots of buffets, and also lots of sports, like getting my stars for kayaking, rock climbing, windsurfing and yes, that pilates class i have been wanting to sign up for since two years ago. Finally going to sign up for dance classes, oh, and get my driving licence too :) Teehee.

Okay turns out that my post is kinda long. I shall stop now and talk to Crystal. She has just painted her nails red and green. Heh, Christmas!!! :)

I'm not sure when i'll next update my blog, but i promise the next time i update, it shall be full of photos :)

Okay love you, bye!

2010-10-03T22:29:00.003+08:00

This blog is on hiatus for now.
Be back in 8 weeks- when A levels have come on gone. Adios.

2010-09-30T09:39:00.002+08:00

The past few days have been the happiest days of my jc life so far :) Prelims are finally over, and i can't help but devote a few days to relax and have fun as much as i can before the final battle begins. Alright, this post is going to be draggy, but i'm not holding back as i'm just too overjoyed that i want to remember every single moment of it.

Last Friday.
Went out with my class to Fish and Co. to celebrate Wu's birthday! :) Mmmm! The food sure was yummy! :) And i was so honoured to be able to share a "Seafood Platter for Two" with the birthday girl herself :) Yum! I seriously love to eat the squids and clams there. It's so fresh and delicioussss :) (As for everything else, Manhattan is much better though.. lol!) The atmoshpere sure was great, with the music, and the laughter of our class :) After that, we went to Clark Quay to have some drinks. It sure was funny to play Truth or Drink (Yes, someone decided not to play dares that night). Haha Andy's face was red like a tomato! Hahahahah! :) Oh! the moon was beautiful that night :)

Saturday.
Met my beloved Ronald! :) Initially wanted to give him a surprise picnic at Marina Barrage. Wanted to cook a yummy meal for him to let him know how much i love him :) He had a tough week in army, and i was so proud of him :) But i guess the weather didn't allow it :( It rained so heavily int he morning. In the end, we had a picnic at the most unexpected place- MY VOID DECK! hahahahah! It was so cute :) We had like plastic plates and cups, Fork and spoons too! Hahah! Yay! I love such simple moments with R :)

Sunday.
Spent the whole afternoon studying for Biology (hahah oops, yes there was still bio paper 1 the next day.) At night, i finally managed to meet JAVE! :) That's Joween, Anthea and Valerie! :) It's been awhile since we met, and we had such a great time! :) Drank warm yummy soup @ the Soup Spoon, and then did a bit of window shopping. Had so much fun at Zara. We were all secretly sneaking into one changing room and taking photos inside. Yay! I miss such moments. It's definitely typical of IJ girls. I love you girls! :) Hahah first thing we did when we stepped into Zara was ask: "WHAT THEME!" hahahah then we decided on a theme and started finding clothes based on that theme to try and take pics. LOL. Decided on one Day outfit, and one Night outfit. It sure was fun :) Though the photo taking failed in the end, because of our excitement and the small mirror and small changing room's fault, we had such a great time :) After that we just walked down town and had a heart to heart talk. It was nice to let things loose abit, and finally speak out the things that's been bothering me deep inside for a long time. :) I love you all!

Monday.
Bio paper 1 int he morning. After that, went to Novi's house where we had LOTS of fun! :) Slacked around, looked at magazines and surf the net for videos, gossip, and blogshops! :) Then we helped each other do "makeovers" by helping each other dress up and make up! Hahahah! It was such a girly time, and i had lots of fun :) Took lots of picutures :) Next, we went downtown for SAKAE SUSHI BUFFET! yum! :) Seriously ate alot! Had a nice time talking and sitting there for two and a half hours :) Yum! :) Was playing with a green pea for awhile. Trying to take some cool pics with it. LOL (Check out Facebook!). After that we went SHOPPING! :) Far East!

Tuesday.
Okay i studied today. That's all i can say :p

Wednesday.
YAY! I went to the beach with Sarah and Rachel! :) FINALLY! They were the FIRST people i wanted to see after my prelims! Hahah! My besties! :) Yay finally managed to soak up the sun at the beach :) Went tanning, swimming, picture-taking, laughing and yes, heart to heart talk :) I love you all! :) So many funny + weird things happened, but we dont care. We had fun! Haha there was this funny story of the indian man. But i wont elaborate here ;) Took a picutre of stupid men who are super black cause they are so vain that they come to the beach everyday to do nothing but put lots of tanning oil, and lots more. LOL. Okay sssssh! Girl's secret. HAHAHHA.
Yay had so much fun! :) Later, Sarah bought Carl's Junior for us at Vivo, and we sat at the roof deck at Palawan beach in front of the beautiful night view of the beach and ships :) There, we had another heart to heart talk, and it was nice. Writing about such happy moments makes me wanna cry because it's been such a long time since i really opened up to my friends, since i even had such fun with anyone.

The feeling of being back with your ij friends. It's indescribable.
I love you girls! And yes, Ron ;)

OKAY MUGGING STARTS!
No more computer, no more beaches. It's just books and papers now.
But when A levels end, WATCH OUT :D

2010-09-28T00:44:00.002+08:00

And another thing

(Sorry for the second post today. I'm having lots of thoughts flowing through my mind. Nobody reads my blog anymore anyway.)

I'm really bothered by the many insecurities that we all have today. In the past, insecurities used to be simply doubts. Yet now, insecurities have been so deeply planted in our hearts that they no longer are simply doubts, but have evolved into a monster that eats us alive- without us even knowing it.

I'm not going to elaborate much here, because this is a rather sensitive issue. But all i want to say is this: We all have the power to define what beauty is and to decide how to embrace the beauty that each and every single one of us (yes, that's you) has. But we've been so utterly stupid to let the world's beauty define us.

Im guilty of such insecurities too. Everyone is. But it depends on how far you let it get to you. You either choose to let it go, or you let it break you. At that moment, you will really lose all the beauty that's inside of you.

There. I shall leave it as that.

p.s This post is not directed to anyone specific, so please dont get offended. It's just that, i've been faced with the three words "I Am Fat" by so many of the ones i love (Especially this whole week), that i just can't take it anymore. It hurts too much to see one so drowned by such insecurity. And the worst thing is, i can't do anything to help them. It's as though there's this wall blocking them from seeing how beautiful they really are, both inside and outside. Especially inside. Okay i'm crying now. I shan't type anymore.

2010-09-28T00:07:00.003+08:00

It's sad :(
.
.
I've realised that the world has changed so much, and i can't believe almost every girl face such a problem. I thought i was the only one, i thought i was alone. I seemed to have been blinded to all the silent things that are happening in my society, my neighbourhood, my school, my beloved friends. In the past, i would hear about these things going on, but i would simply tell myself that it will never happen to me. At times, i do end up feeling sorry for those involved- sometimes i end up judging them subconsciously (which i am very very very regretful about now).

Now that i see it and i feel it, my heart is filled with grief.

How long will this tragedy continue? How worst will it become? I'm so afraid that one day, it will be accepted as a social norm. In fact, it almost already has- to many, that is. Words cant express how agonised i am feeling right now. I feel so angry at the devil for ruining this once beautiful and wholesome world which God has created. For ruining the hearts of the man God crafted with his own hands.

Maybe i shouldn't start grieving about the world right now. There's too much going on, and it just hurts too much to think about it. I cant start crying for this world right now because i dont have the right to. I am part of this world now. And im not proud of it.

But love is what keeps me going. Just like what keeps every girl going. It's a painful truth, but love has no boundaries. At least that's what i've come to realised. So there, take all of me. Take every bit of my heart. Take my emotions with you, and take my hand. Just promise me one thing, Dont Let Go.

2010-09-25T11:29:00.004+08:00

Chuck: I destroyed the only thing i ever loved.
.
.
Blair: I don't love you anymore. But it takes more than even you to destroy a Blair Waldorf.
.
.
Chuck: Your world would be easier if i didn't come back
(Pause)
Blair: That's true, but it wouldn't be my world without you in it.
-Gossip Girl Season 4 Episode 2

2010-09-22T11:40:00.003+08:00

Chuck, Blair- Please get back together?

Many times in life, we stumble upon a difficult decision where we're simply torn between the odds. Often, we end up having to let go of something, in order to gain something. You can never get the best of both worlds- yet in my case, i could have. (Yet again, it also depends on how much i could set myself apart for him)

One and a half years ago, i made this choice to let go of something- or someone, in order to gain another. Half the world would see it as a foolish things to do, yet the other half would not see the consequences behind this choice would be. Though it was a painful decision, i kind of let myself forget the pain, and embrace what i had decided upon. And there was so much happiness, so much beautiful memories. I realise that i had quickly gave all of me to this one i love so much.

Right now, the thing i had feared the most which involved my decision is surfacing, and i dont know what to do. It's funny how you know something is going to happen, but when it finally does, it hits you straight in the heart as though you didn't expect it at all.

How much can you give up for the one you love the most? Or wait, the question is: Who do you love the most?

The one you grew up with, unfailing, forgiving and understands you inside out- or the one whom you didn't know as long but yet have such a deep connection with, and is holding on so tightly to you and makes you laugh like no other?

2010-09-20T19:09:00.003+08:00

My days have been empty lately, and i'm sick of looking at my schedule. Cause each day is marked with only one word: MUG. Yet surprisingly, i've never felt more relaxed. It's scary how calm i am this time. Hopefully, i will be able to at least pass prelims. Dengue and Microplasma Infection has already taken two weeks away from me, and the fear of A levels is slowly creeping in. But i will still put in my best effort.

2010-09-19T18:39:00.003+08:00

Good morning sunshine, it's been awhile since i took time to lay in bed and let your warmth melt me. I remember how i used to embrace mornings, where you would use your dazzling light to brighten up my world. Because of your faithfulness, i used to resplendent in my uniform, as i walked to school.

I've been ensconce in my studies lately, and i have forgotten the simple joy that you bring. Life's expectations, disappointments, fear, challenges- everything. It has frozen that fire inside of me.

I need a getaway, to remind myself of the simple things in life that kept be going before. Like you. Your beaming rays that make rainbows possible, your warmth that wraps me like a blanket whenever i'm freezing cold, your bright self that makes me smile.

The joy i used to have, the one deeply etched in my heart - the one that used to be there in every circumstance, even in the darkest of moments- i need it back.

2010-09-15T21:59:00.003+08:00

Two papers down, 6 more to go.

I need to be stronger than this. I can't just let my emotions define my actions, that shape who i am. I need to be in control of my own emotions, in order to be who i really am deep inside. You found me, and you helped me unwrap the layers that were covering me and drowning me. You saw me for who i really was, and that was when you fell in love with me.

You believe in me, that i can become that woman some day that you saw in me. I ran away so many times, but you never fail to pull me back and remind me of why i'm still here.Thank you, you. I love you so much, and i really cant bear to hurt you again. I know how hurt feels like, i've been through that pain before. And because you mean too much to me, i can't let you go through that. Especially not alone.

So please, stay here with me?

2010-09-09T21:03:00.003+08:00

I can't do this anymore. I feel so beaten up, so crushed. I really do feel like giving up.

I really need you right now. I've been looking so hard all week, i've been filled with nothing but longing and desire. I've come to a point where i'm so desperate for someone to care, someone to hold me and tell me everything is going to be alright. Where are you? I thought you told me you'd be there through it all? Right now, amidst such a tragedy, why do i feel so alone? Amidst this battle, why do i feel like i'm the only one in the battlegrounds?

Someone, anyone, please help me. Or at least, be there for me.
I can't do this anymore. I really can't.

2010-09-08T09:59:00.002+08:00

Alright, this is the list of things i want to do after A levels :)
1) Spend more time with Ron
2) Get out of Singapore and relax in some random beach (E.g Batam, Phuket, Tioman... Anywhere!)
3) Sign up for Aerobics course
4) Get my stars for Kayaking
5) Meet up with my long lost friends, especially those that i've not even met ever since two years ago!
6) Shopping- i need dresses!
7) Ressurrect my abs
8) Get driving licence
9) Watch the list of shows/movies i've come up with- Especially Gossip girl season 4 and America's next top model cycle 15 which is coming out in Sept!
10) Go for a nice hot yoga or sauna
11) Go scuba diving
12) Learn how to roller blade
13) Go for many many many camps!
14) PROM!
15) To be continued :)

And the list goes on :) It's rare that i upload lists of my plans on my blog. But i've come to a point where i'm so desperate to motivate myself to study. I dont want to end up like O levels, where i totally got sick of studying at the very last lap. I need to keep myself going, i need to face it.

There are so many things i want to do, so many things i wish for. But i guess there's a season for everything. And right now, i'm supposed to study. So what else can i do but to try my best to be good at it?

Okay, back to math!

2010-09-07T20:28:00.002+08:00

I have a hope so sure
An anchor for my soul
My peace in the worst of times
I trust in God alone

Never felt such vulnerability for awhile. Since i met him, i've been smiling my heartaches away. I've learnt to slowly let go of those painful memories i had as a teenager, and embrace what's going to happen next.

Yet last night, i simply broke down. All the emotions i had kept hidden in my heart for years as a fifteen year old girl all hit me again in one night. All that hurt that i was faced with, i thought i had let it all go. But when i saw the way they responded when i shared with them my deepest desires, my heart yearned so badly to be free. Did i have a choice then?

Ever felt so caged up you forgot to breathe? It's quite a frightening feeling. It makes you feel so dirty, so trapped, so disgusted with yourself. And it drills insecurity in your heart.

But it's over. That was a long time ago, and it's time for me to remind myself to be strong again. He loves me, he's there for me. That's all i need to know right now. That's all my heart needs- to find every strength within me to fight this hurt. To walk away. To smile again :)

My God reigns
His love will never fail me
My God reigns
He's ruing over all in my life
In every situation
I know my God is greater
My God is over all

2010-08-23T10:55:00.002+08:00

I hope, i believe, i trust. Will it all fade to dust?
I grin, i smile, i laugh. Are these memories all a bluff?

Things have been rather stressful lately. As if i dont always say that in every post i make.
The Youth Olympic Games are ongoing, and how i wish i could just take a break and go cheer my hearts out for Singapore! It's a sad thing to be a J2 student. It's sad how our school excludes us from all the yog celebrations and stuff. "You have to focus on A levels for now" they say. Aaaargh.
I seriously can't wait for A 's to be over. It's be such a joy. I have come up with so much plans already, and i simply can't wait for them to finally come true. It'd be like a dream come true.
I guess in order to have dreams, one has to sleep. So let me sleep, i'd say. But there's simply too much to do. It's amazing how i can't sleep later than midnight, but yet, i can stay awake studying my year away before finally sleeping and letting my dreams take me away. Amazing, indeed.
Ho ho ho. I can do it! :)
These four words have been filling my mind these weeks. It is probably one of the most powerful words anyone can say to me, right now. Other than "I love you" Of course ;)

p.s Thank you babes for still visiting my blog and tagging :)

2010-08-18T21:48:00.002+08:00

Consultations are filling up my time these days, and it's kinda getting more exciting as i learn new stuff and realise things i never realised before :)

My passion for Econs is definitely building up because of Mr Derek Lee's patience and confidence in us. I just hope that passion equate to scores. Somehow, i just can't write. Aaaargh.

Geog is getting worrying because i realise that there's still so much to cover, with so little time. But it's still my "favouritest" subject, so i wont let that get to me.

Biology is improving slightly, due to the countless tests we have been taking the past two weeks and the constant pressures from Mr Gary Neo.

Math is well, "progressing" i guess. Slowly but surely. Been practicing like mad these few days, but concepts are still as weak as ever. I just hope that my efforts are not wasted :)

Prelims are in two weeks! I need to be strong and fight fight fight like champion!

Meet up with Stef Yap and Hillary yesterday to have a short dinner becase Stef's going back to Canada soon :( Well, had a great deal of fun! Really love these girls, always laugh my head off whenever i'm with them :) Then it was back to doing math. Haha, at least it motivated me! :)

Tomorrow's Bio test, and the day after it's Econs test.
Can you believe GP prelim starts next Friday? Gosh.

2010-08-12T13:33:00.001+08:00

Two and a half weeks to prelims. How am i going to do this?

2010-08-04T20:08:00.002+08:00

As a child, we were told to reach out for the stars.
But as one grows up, the increasing battle between passion and practicality becomes more intense. To do what you love, or to learn to love what you do, what exactly is the best for one?
Right now, none of that matters anymore. It's the A that determines my whole future, at least for now. I need to keep myself going.

2010-08-01T23:20:00.004+08:00

As i walked through those doors, i felt like i was home again. I felt young and whole, like the 12 year old girl i was, when i first found the meaning of true love. As i lifted up my hands to sing of your love, i knew this was who i really was, whom i've been searching for, for a really long time.

I cant run away anymore, there's never anywhere i can run where your love runs cold. Sometimes it only feels cold and dry, because i'm not at the right place, where im supposed to be.
I can never find any other thing that makes me feel more loved than you. I can never have any other thing which can replace your love. Because you are love. You define love. You are what love really is all about. And i'm honoured, to be someone you love so much. And i love you, more than anything. Please dont ever let go of me.

2010-07-29T13:09:00.003+08:00

Freezing in the cold, dark night, cuddling up in my blankie.
My toes are numb, and i hug my blankie tighter.
Gone were the days of El nino, where we were enslaved under the wrath of the burning heat. It's July now, and i guess the Summer Solstice is here.

Every season brings about it's own set of challenges, or issues, as for the case of the ever-changing weather in the beautiful city of Singapore. Some like it hot, some like it cold.

For me, i like it in between. I love cold showers, but i find joy in warm bubble baths. There are times i'm warm and bubbly, yet there are also many times i'm cold and insecure. Ice cream draws me near, but not without the warm brownie along with it. I love chocolate, but not when it's too bitter. I love green tea, because everything else but water seems too sweet for me. Buttered corn is nice, but there must never be too much butter. Actually, i prefer it without butter at times.

Sometimes, a season requires you to be extreme. But not all the time. I need your strength to keep be going, your love to keep me secured. Your smile, to keep me smiling. I dont want to be extreme anymore.

2010-07-25T13:35:00.002+08:00

I need a time out, i need a break. Sometimes, there are seasons in your life where you just have to be alone. To think, to figure your life out. It has been pressing me, those feelings, for the past few months. And i need to find time to let loose, let go, and let myself listen to my heart more.

A heart that was once hurt, will always be afraid of getting hurt again.
It needs time to learn to trust. It needs time to heal.
So please, can i have a break? I'm sorry for feeling this way, to whom it may concern, but all i need is time. So don't give up on me.
Not yet.

2010-07-21T22:24:00.003+08:00

Amidst the ongoing stress of term 3, i've finally managed to find time for long awaited reunions with my friends, some i've not met for one and a half years!

Stef and Hillary: Thank you for the laughter-filled dinner we had at Pastamania! I'm so glad that things have not changed much (Other than the fact that Hillary has stepped down from choir and never invited me to any of the concerts!!, and OH YA, the fact that Stef has moved to the opposite side of the world! WOW! *Note Sarcasm to both of you!, lol!) Camwhoring was seriously hilarious as it was 1) In the middle of nowhere, and 2) The Loud Urber Friendly Aunty! lol! I cant wait to meet you both again. Love!

Val, Ant, Joween: Omg i seriously can't believe we're all moving on with our lives now. I remember the secondary school days where we four would dream of the love of our lives together. Promising to stick together as bffs and next time bringing our kids out together! Now four of us are enjoying ice cream while talking about our boyfriends, and i think that's really nice. I seriously can't believe you girls are still the same as ever, and that really makes me happy. Mmmm, the ice cream with brownie sure was yummy! :) I love you all!

I seriously miss Ij. It's really where my true friends are. Friends i connect with, friends i identify myself with. Friends i can be who i am with without feeling so out of place. Friends i can tell anything to, knowing i wont be judged. Friends who have the same interests as me. Friends who understand me. Friends who know how to make me smile. Friends who laughs along with me, not only watch me laugh. Friends who are simply friends because you know they will always be there, no matter what.

I may be stressed, i may be beaten by the U grade monster,

but at least i know i am not alone in this. I have friends who are persevering through this with me, through thick and thin. I have friends to cry to whenever i am stressed. I am friends to laugh with, without having a reason to do so. We just laugh. We just laugh because we enjoy each other's company.

There was never a reason needed to laugh. You just do. Because you are happy.

And there need not be a reason to be happy. You just are. Because you want to be.

And there is not need to want to be happy. It's in everyone. Nobody wants to be sad.

It's been rocky these days. But i know we can make it through.
You, me, and everything else in between. Nothing can ever separate us. Because i know that your heart beats with mine, and i'm loving you more each day, despite everything else in between. Each week, my heart beats with joy as i finally get to see you again. Sometimes, that's all that matters. I love you, Despite everythng else in between.

2010-07-14T20:24:00.004+08:00

Glee's season finale is beautiful. The song's stuck in my head. So i've decided to put it up on my music playlist. Heehee :) Heart was beating real quickly, felt so swallowed by the beauty of the melody :)

Got back Math paper today. Haha, it's hilarious how 80% plus of the whole cohort failed. It shows that we seriously need to buck up. Boo.

Anyway, i'm still feeling the post-exam mood. Haha! Spent the past few days hanging out with friends i love and my boyfriend :)
Tomorrow meet up with Crystal and Sheryl for dinner. Yay! The day after it's my date with Stef Yap and Hilary! :) Then yummy Ice cream with Ronny :) Saturday we shall watch Inception. Hope it's as exciting as it looks :)

Then it's time to put all distractions aside, and do what i'm called to do know. As a student. >:)

2010-07-08T22:05:00.003+08:00

It's finally the end of the examinations, and i'm feeling relieved.
Had a long-awaited dinner with Crystal. It was great to finally be able to catch up again :)

Outing with Lovegood tomorrow, my ltc camp group. It's been ages since i went out with them, and i simply cant wait! Going up to the beautiful Singapore Flyer :) I know many think it's real boring, but i think it's going to be simpl amazing! :) The beautiful lights of the city and the endless night sky. And besides, we're going to have our own party up there. Heehee :)

My boyfriend's block leave is next week, and i can't wait to spend more time with him after surviving without much of him for the past whole month! I bought him a special present, hope he likes it :) He's been such a strong man, and i am so proud of him :)

Anyway, thing's are looking better now. The real battle starts next week. Its finally the stage where everyone starts realising A levels are near, where all the study hysteria sets in. That's why i'm gonna slack like never before this weekend. But after having such a break, i think i'm ready. I can do it!

2010-07-05T20:24:00.003+08:00

Never thought one single event can let a person down so much. It's been a whole month, and school's started once again.

So many questions going through my mind as to what i've done with the one month i had before this. I did work hard, i did made much sacrifices. The days i studied, the long hours of thinking and memorising. Yet.... why isn't it showing any results?

Never felt so afraid, never felt so controlled. I never blanked out like this before.
Math/Econs paper tomorrow.
I guess i have to try my best to lessen the impact of my previous mistakes. Many, many mistakes. It's a losing battle, but i can't give up now. It's too late to give up, it's too foolish to give up.

I have a dream. I have a goal.
I will reach it some day.
Someday, i will.
I just hope it won't be too late then.
Come on Elaine, dont lose yourself.

2010-06-30T17:19:00.002+08:00

I love this place
But it's haunted without you
My tired heart
Is beating so slow
Our hearts sing less
Than we wanted
We wanted
Our hearts sing 'cause
We do not know
we do not know

To light the night
To help us grow
To help us grow
It is not said I always know

You can catch me
Don't you run
Don't you run
If you live another day
In this happy little house
The fire's here to stay

To light the night
To help us grow
To help us grow
It is not said I always know

Please don't make a fuss
It won't go away
The wonder of it all
The wonder that I made
I am here to stay
I am here to stay

Stay

2010-06-15T22:54:00.003+08:00

Finally met up with my two bffs yesterday- Rah and Chel :)
Went to Resort World, and explored around and seriously felt like princesses in a huge castle, consumed into a fairytale. Posh hotels, Chocolate hersheys shop, Universal Studios!, Ice Cream, beach, photos!! :) So happy! :)

Today was just as awesome!
Ronron and i took Sam and Eden to KidsAmaze at Safra! :) Yay! It was a so fun! Silly sam was afraid of the five storey slide! loooool. (Okay ermmmm i was KINDA afraid too. KINDA. But nah...not really *grins at Ronny*) Played wif lots of BALLS! looool. So happy, it feels like family :)

p.s I love mummy's bak kut teh!

You re like a boy i dreamt of when i was six.

2010-06-13T17:13:00.003+08:00

It has been cycles.
When is it ever going to break?
We try so hard to reach a point, a goal, a destiny we believe in.
Maybe it's time to let go, and let nature takes it's place.

For now, i'll definitely cherish those witty moments. You never know when it will end. It always comes and goes- just like that.

2010-06-10T15:32:00.003+08:00

Change.
It happens all the time. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. Sometimes because of a choice, sometimes, its inevitable.
Its those ineviable ones that you never see coming.

2010-06-07T10:58:00.002+08:00

Never felt such intense emotions, never thought i would mean so much to anyone.

Two of us, hanging off a cliff. Your left hand on one thin rope, your right holding on tightly to me, making sure i dont fall back into the darkness again. "Dont let go, we can make it through" was what you said. It echoed through the wilderness and it made me grab you tighter.

The hurt came back. The darkness pulling against my leg. I cry, i scream because it's hurting me. "Dont.. dont let me go, no matter what" I begged you. But I feel swords piercing through my toes. It was getting colder up here. I felt numb, i felt that coldness well up inside of me. It's moving up to knees...my stomach... then it reached my heart. "Dont... dont let me go" I whispered softly, wishing you'd hold on to me. I knew i was giving up... i didn't want to pull ou down.
.
.
.
I let go. And i fell.

As i fell, i lifted my hands wide. Would anybody find me? Would anybody hear me? I felt the darkness wrapping all over me. I was falling deeper, and deeper. Suddenly, flashbacks of my past came back. It brought along all the hurt, all the pain. It was excruciating. Nobody can find me now.
.
.
.
Someone grabbed me by my tip of my fingers. It felt warm. "I... wont.. let.. go." a voice said. It sounded familiar, yet so far away. "Can you hear me? Look at me!" He cried. "Open your eyes, look at me! Hear me!" It cried louder. I opened my eyes. I saw him. I saw the love of my life. I saw the man i dreamt of spending forever with. "Can you hear me?" The voice cried louder. I continued looking at him. Why am i still alive? Why is he here with me? Did he fall with me?
.
.
.
I looked up at his left hand. It was gripping onto an edge of the mountain. Filled with scars and blood. What was he doing? His hand must be hurting. Is he crazy? I felt a jerk. Now he was shaking me. "CAN YOU HEAR ME?" It rang through my ears. I realised. He let go of that rope to save me. "Please.. Can you hear me? Dont let go again." He whispered this time. It sounded desperate.
.
.
.
I closed my eyes again, and let out those tears. I am safe. I am not alone. I am not dead yet.
He was still holding on to me. No matter what.
"Let's climb the mountain together. This time, dont let go. Cause no matter how hard i hold on to you, if you let go, i cant save you anyore." He said, knowing i was listening.
.
.
.
"I wont. I wont ever again. Let's climb the mountain together."

2010-06-02T15:20:00.002+08:00

It hurts
You're like a doll a little girl holds on tightly to. A precious friend she will never let go of, and needs to hug to sleep, before knowing she is safe in the dark and there is no monster under bed.

But what if, that little girl wants to bring her doll to tea parties, but the doll doesn't want to?
What if the girl dresses the doll up to be the prettiest doll in the world, only to find that the doll isn't satisfied with her dress?
What if the girl combs her hair, one by one breaking the knots and split ends for hours, yet, the doll only sees that the girl is hurting her scalp?
What if the girl spends her time picking out new shoes for the doll, but the doll just throws it away and doesn't appreciate her at all?

The little girl needs to know what's wrong with her and why she isn't enough to make the doll happy. It's huting her because the doll was the most precious gift that was given to her by her dad. And she doesn't intend to throw it away.

2010-05-29T12:40:00.005+08:00

28th May 2010- One year with Ronald Wong :)
Yesterday was a wonderful day, with Ronny as we celebrated our first year anniversary :) I never felt so happy before, and it truly was a day i will never forget :)

Started off with nice cuddles from home as he came to fetch me. Went to eat Manhattan after day. Yum! We have decided to only eat Manhattan once a year during our anniversary :) It will be something special for the both of us <3>Went to town after that. Spent the whole day picking out tons of different clothes for each other to try. It was fun! hahahah! Explored different styles and it sure was nice to see Ronny in different ways of dressing! heehee, my handsome boy :) Ronny had to get a new pair of jeans and shoes, and i really miss shopping, so we both decided shopping was a good way to spend our anniversary :) We both ended up buying a new pair of jeans (yes i was dragged to buy one pair as there was a one for one sales going on...----- omg did i mention? SALES ARE EVERYWHERE!!! Whoohoo i love Singapore!) and R bought me a new top and a dress from F21. Yay! :) Thank you Ronnnyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy :) Really had alot of fun. Bought a drink from Starbucks when we took a break :) Shopping sure is fun with Ronny :) Too bad he was a guy and i was a girl and we're both not allowed into each other's changing rooms or we would have taken lots of pictures secretly! Still, we came out of the changing room each time we tried something to show each other. It was cute to see Ronny's expression each time i came out. It was different each time. haha!

At night, we went to eat at Astons! YAY! I always get to eat nice food with ronny! :) So happy :) Ronny bought this huge fried chicken which was quite delicious. Love the pasta salad! :) I dont know how, but Ronny and i can spend hours talking, and there are always things to talk about. No awkward silences, no insecurities. He's like my best friend, and my brother :)

Took a train home, where we laughed the whole way back over some funny stuff. Haha! I literally laughed until i almost cried. Ronny is scared of TICKLES! :p looooooooooool. Reached my bus stop. It was raining, and we both did something really silly. He covered my head, i covered his. And we were walking together in the rain looking rather stupid. After we reached my void deck, we realised we could have easily covered ourselves instead of exchanging hands. LOL. So funny. Looool. Love you R :)

Ron came over to my house that night because we both wanted to try out the new present he got me! A digital photoframe! YAY!!!!! I've always wanted one because i have lots of pics but i have nowhere to put them on display as there are too many pics! So now i can finally display all of them in my new room when we shift house (in two weeks!). Yay! Thank you Ronny :) We had actually set a price budget for our gift exchange this year: $0. We will be increasing $5 each year :) Yay! This smart boy had a voucher because he signed up for safra membership. That's how he got such an expensive present for me for free! :) I was cracking my head for the past 3 months as to what to do/get for him. He said i couldnt make a card as paper costs money as well, so it was RATHER DIFFICULT. In the end, i sewed him a pillow using extra colourful cloth from my art box and cotton wool from my toilet. Yay it turned out reallynice :) Now ronny can bring it to camp and think of me each time he sleeps :) Hahah! Yay!

I'm sorry for yet another long post, but i really wanna remember this day so i'm posting it up :)

Ronald Wong Tze Kay,
I really had a wonderful time yesterday, and i love you from the bottom of my heart.
It all seems so quick that one year has passed, but time really flies when it's with you. I know this year has been a rather rocky one, as we fought hard for many things. To be together, to understand one another, and to grow together. Well, i am not ready to give up yet, because it's all worth everything. I realised how much you meant to me yesterday, and i told myself i'll never let you go ever again. Thank you for being such a wonderful man in my life. One year's just the beginning and i cant wait for our next Manhattan meal. (Heart)

2010-05-20T08:36:00.001+08:00

3 words, 8 letters
It's more than enough to change the world of two. When you told me those three words for the very first time, i knew you were the one. Things have been rocky lately, but i want you to know that my feelings for you have never changed. From the first moment i fell in love with you, the feelings have only grown deeper and stronger. You never fail to surprise me, you never fail to make me smile.
.
.
.
3 words, 8 letters
I love you.

p.s Chuck and Blair, please dont break up. Patch up, patch up.

2010-05-18T13:55:00.002+08:00

10 days til ONE YEAR!!!!!!!! :D
I love you, i heart you, i promise you.

2010-05-17T10:11:00.005+08:00

Okay this post is going to be a long one. You can choose not to read if you dont want to, i am just too delighted that i have to blog about it :)

The past three days have been great! :)
Friday went to support Volleyball finals. On our way there, Linus gave me try a RAMLI BURGER! I know it sounds kuku, but it was my first time trying a Ramli Burger. For the past whole year, linus and i have been singing Ramli burger songs during econs. And it was funny! LOL.

Anyway, the VB match was exciting! Esther and i spent the whole time screaming into a Hwa Chong Guy's ear. It was hilarious. Though we lost, at least they tried their best. and we all had a great time bonding as one class, one school! :)

After that, i went to AMK with Novi, where we indulged ourselves in Anderson's Ice cream! We bought the combo. The one with 5 scoops, and nice warm baked cookie. Mmmmmm. It was gooooooooooooood. Kept smiling the whole time. It was nice to treat ourselves after mugging hard for the whole week! :) So happy! ^-^

Then, at night, i went shopping by myself while waiting for my family and managed to get a nice top from Bershka :) Yaayyyy! It felt like i was released from prison. (grins) I seriously miss shopping! Met my family, and we watched IP man! It's indescribable! Super gooooooooooooood! My heart was like beating so fast throughout the movie, and i laughed alot. Yay! It's been long since i watched a movie with my family. I loved that night :)

Saturday was another fun-filled day. Woke up past 12pm in the afternoon. Finally managed to have a goooood sleep after a long week! :) Got woken up by a call from R! :) Yay! Went to church after that. After church, i went to eat dinner with R's family @ Sizzler. Yum! The salad bar is delicious! :) Ate dori, prawns, steak, lamb, chicken, clam chowder soup, lots and lots of salad (which was seriously yum yum yum ttm!), and even ice cream! :D Was bloated at the end of the dinner, but i kept smiling. It was goooooood :) Am glad to finally be able to catch up with R's mum :) Had alot of fun playing with Rebecca too (R's sis). She's really adorable :) Silly R was being goofy, and it made me laugh alot. (heart)

Sunday was satisfying. Studied with Novi for the whole day, and managed to catch up on my work. Happy happy ^^ :) We went to collect our running goodie bag (5KM RUN IS THIS SATURDAY!), and yay there were free vouchers to spa, fitness gym and all! Novi and i were super excited, and we already had our studying + relaxing plans for June! And one of them includes either Hot yoga or Dance classes in the evening (to relax after we mug from morning!) So many awesome plans for June. I simply cant wait :) Really must mug really hard and do well for Mid Years! :) I am so determined! So excited! And so glad to have a studying pal like Novi! :)

Okay, i'm really happy now. I KNOW this week is going to be a good one! :) I love Weekends.
Weekdays can be better! I know so! :)

They say a dog is a man's best friend.
There's nothing better than having loved ones to spend your time with :)
My family, His family, Him, and Novi.
Thank you for the wonderful weekend :)

2010-05-14T10:10:00.003+08:00

How are you doing? Are you happy? Are you tired? Did you have enough rest? I miss you.

My eyes are really getting smaller each day, and i really feel tied down by everything that is going on around me. I wish i could fly to the stars, where everything seems to shine in marvellous light, no matter how cloudy the night is. I need to find that inner strength that is in me once again. Somehow, i know it is still there. I know it because i still feel that motivation in my heart, i know it because i still feel that energy and joy down there somewhere. It's just that i'm really physically and mentally tired. And i need a break.

What else can i say? Maid's gone, so i've been busy babysitting Sam and Eden @ home. Stress much, having to do so much work while having to meet to their needs and ensure they are alright. Yet again, i love spending more time with them, and being their da jie :)

See. Im not breaking down yet :)

2010-05-11T08:59:00.003+08:00

It's times like these where i wish i could just lay in bed and ignore whatever's next on my timetable. Press the pause button to freeze whatever's going on so i can take a deep breath and move on.

"I feel afraid and tired. But i know i have you by my side."

Everyone needs a little rest/ Everyone needs a little joy/ And a song to sing in the darkest night.

2010-05-09T21:36:00.004+08:00

You are someone really special no one can ever replace. A voice i look forward to listen to every night, a face i see no more than twice a week. I miss days where you were still in school with me. I was a J1, you were my senior. I remember how i kept peeking at your timetable as the hours go by, constantly wondering when i could bump into you. I miss staying back and waiting for your dragonboat training to end, just so i could have a bowl of fish noodles with you. I miss you helping me in my studies and watching you study as well.

There are seasons in life for different things. You were once a student, and now you re a soldier. Soon, you ll be a graduate. Those were nice memories, and there is still more to come. My love, its beautiful to watch you grow into a man. And i really cant wait to walk through life with you. I love you, i love us. Dont give up, im always here for you.

That day you told me that my smile was what made you smile, i didnt accept it. Instead, i kept trying other ways to make you smile. But last night, i was thinking about it. And i finally understood what you meant. I realise i couldnt smile, if you didnt too. So here goes:

.
.
.
.
.
Just for you. (i tried to smile my widest!!)

And im smiling because of you.

2010-05-09T12:40:00.004+08:00

Went to Ronny s camp site yesterday at Pasir Lebar =) It was an interesting experience =) Where army boys train hard, and where emotions come into play. It was an extremely hot day, and wow, i cant imagine how they train under that heat! Am so honoured to have this chance to step into this site. Really proud of my R :)

Standard Obstacle Course =) Looks very fun! But tiringggggggggggggg.

This is the parade square, looks really beautiful in this pic. The clouds are so pretty! =) (But it was seriously hot yesterday!)

My handsome R (left)
Statue called Rocky (Right)

Weekends are always days of joy =)

2010-05-04T15:27:00.003+08:00

It was autumn, and i was walking down a deserted garden, towards a wishing well. As i got closer to the wishing well, i realised the route was filled with unwanted vines, wilted roses left untouched. I remember standing there for a long time, wondering if i should just stand there, or take a step.

I was afraid, i was lonely. I kept looking at the wishing well. Somehow, i felt that i needed to get there. Suddenly, a voice spoke to me.

"I am with you."
It said. It was gentle yet filled with authority. It seemed familiar, yet so distant. Daddy, is that you? I looked around, there was no one. There was no more fear. I knew it was him. Daddy, where are you? There was no reply. But i knew i was not alone.

I took a step. And another... and another...

As i was walking down the route, i suddenly heard a sound. It was the rustling of the leaves, no, it was someone or something moving under the bunch of leaves by the oak tree beside me. I turned my head only to find a baby polar bear, crawling towards me. It seemed afraid, and lonely. I picked it up, and held it in my arms. It kept me warm.

I looked towards the wishing well, and wondered if i should continue walking. My legs were hurting, it seemed to be bruised. But i knew i would keep walking. Nothing was going to stop me now.

The baby polar bear fell asleep in my arms. It seemed to feel safe in my arms. I looked towards the wishing well and i smiled.
I felt the same way too.
Safe.
And i knew i could sleep soon. No more sleepless nights, no more fear, no more loneliness.

2010-05-03T20:16:00.002+08:00

h o u s e e x c o
Thank you for the wonderful memories =)

2010-05-03T10:36:00.002+08:00

Teeheehee found this cute picture while browsing. This morning up feeling kinda ligthearted =)
Maybe its cause i feel a deep sense of satisfaction from finishing up 17 bio essays yesterday =) It took 11 long hours!! Was studying @ starbucks with novi and when i reached home, i simply blanked out. Boy was i tired.

Meeting novi to continue round two soon, since today s labour day. Elaine, you can do it!

2010-05-01T23:35:00.004+08:00

Sometimes, its so difficult to break something that has been a bondage in your life. It comes back to you, it scars you. It brings along pain, torture, and hurt. You try to move on, but it keeps chasing after you. You tell yourself you can be strong, but you break inevitably.

Im sick of being held down already. Im sick of being so weak :( Sometimes, i just wish i could start all over.

You made me realise i actually can. When you looked into my eyes and said those words today, i cried because this was the first time anyone ever put in so much effort to help me, to hear my cries, to make sure i'm alright, to care for me..... and to grab me to tight to stop me from running away from reality, and myself.

Deep inside every person, there lies a story.
and within every heart, lies a longing for love.
.
.
.
I found you.
I was never worth fighting for until you came into my life. You made me see my worth.
I love you Ronald. I love you forever.

p.s I really had much fun with you today :) Cant wait to see you next week! :) Take care in army, love.

2010-04-30T13:42:00.002+08:00

Looking back, it's funny how i never was like this before.

When he treated me that way, when he hung out with tons of girls, with me being quite insignificant. Even then, i never felt insecure and all i wanted to hear was that he loved me, and i meant something to him. That was enough to make me hold on that for so long.

That was how stupid i was in the past.

I was broken inside, but it never got to me. Only after everything ended.

It was then everything came and hit me in the face and my heart simply broke into a million pieces. I guess whatever they say is true. That "you'll never learn unless you fall". And i guess when you had your heart broken once, you'll be afraid of letting it break again.

From then on, i began to question the meaning of love. I began to think of my own emotions. I began to look out for myself. Now i begin to question if you are happy with me, like how he claimed to be then. Now i begin to wonder if i am good enough for you.

I think that was the wrong step to take. I should have just been as stupid as i was before.

I've become an emotional wreck.
I'm pathetic.

How do i cut away my emotions? How do i mend my heart again? How do i become the naive person i used to be?

So many questions, yet i cant answer any of them.

and i'm so selfish.
How can i let you suffer like this?

2010-04-29T22:58:00.004+08:00

have you ever put your whole heart into something, only to feel like its not enough to make a person happy?
.
.
.
.
.
I love you. Is that enough?

i hate routines.
I hate cold families, cold friendships, and cold relationships.
I will never want this for my marriage, and my life.
It only cripples one, especially the ones who really loved with all their hearts at some point in time. :(

I wish you were happier with me :(

2010-04-29T08:46:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, words cant just express how i'm feeling deep inside. I'm not a person who is good at words, nor am i a person who is used to having a person to listen to me talk about me all the time. In case you haven't realise, i've been using pictures to depict how i feel. Somehow, they speak of my feelings better than my heart. (Cause i'm not a person who scores As for GP. Heehee)

Right now, i'm feeling kind of ______.
It's a nice feeling, one that makes me feel like i actually do have control over my life. For a long time, i haven't felt this way. The feeling of freedom, hope, excitement, determination, love, and security all mixed into one. It's nice to know that you are never alone amidst everything in your life.

The feeling of freedom and determination, as i let You fill my heart with boldness and take big steps in my life. To grow, to mature and to achieve. Courage to walk out of my darkness, and let go of what's holding me down.

Hope, as i look to the day where i can hold R's hand and walk with him through life. Spending endless times together, filling our album with memories that are simply irreplaceable. The joy i have whenever he's by my side. The warm feeling i have within me whenever i hear his sweet, gentle voice. His heart that is always willing to hear my heart, to feel it, and to beat along with it.

Excitement, as i think of all the wonderful days i have ahead. Life is full of wonderful opportunities. And i simply cant wait to see what my life will bring to me next. Even within these four walls of my school, there is still a reason to smile, still an opporunity to love, still a conviction that lies within me.

Love and Security. The most important of it all. You fill me with love day after day. You keep me safe. You hold me together when i'm broken. You never let go of my hand. I am safe, i am secure. I am filled with love from You, the only one that can fill that void in my heart. When You died upon that cross just for me, when You touched me for the very first time and fill me with your love, i knew then, that i am yours forever. And nothing's going to change that. No matter what my circumstance is, i will still praise with 110%, and live for you. I dont care what people say. I dont care what even leaders think. I will still walk with you, and i will still love you with all my heart.

So yes, that's everything within me. Do you feel what i'm feeling?

2010-04-28T11:15:00.002+08:00

After my post yesterday on how i needed rest, i guess my body heard it and simply broke down.

Cramps. Aargh.
The whole of yesterday was a wasted day. Didn't study much, didn't actually do much but slept and struggled, and slept and struggled. It was painful much, and i wish i'd be stronger :( Really wanted to go for math tutorial, cause i actually put much effort into doing math the night before. But i had no choice. My body needed rest, so it fought hard for it. And there i was, in the middle of assembly, facing one of the most painful periods of my life.

But i'm glad its over. And i'm glad i had my rest. Now it's time to pick up my pace and fight for my A-s. I can do it :)

p.s Thank you Mummy for buying warm Tau hui for me to cheer me up <3 You are the best mother anyone can ever have <3
p.p.s Thank you R for listening to me cry in pain yesterday. I'm sorry for you having to put up with my cries all the time :/ But i really appreciate it, and i love you, silly boy. Am so proud of you for overcoming your rough road in army. Be strong, and keep it up. Always here for you :) :) :)

I have you, and you have me.
Together, we can overcome anything.

2010-04-27T08:45:00.002+08:00

Rest.
I've been rather stressed lately, because of the upcoming Mid Years Examinations. Late nights, long hours, more coffee, and definitely the lack of sleep. My poor eyes are becoming smaller each day, and i think i'm developing wrinkles around my eyes. Gosh. However, stress does not equates to broken. I wont give up, i will stay strong!

The feeling of A levels is finally here, and i wont be afraid. Knowing you are in control, and you already know the plans that you have for me. I'm excited, actually. As i walk with you daily, i know i am not alone and its another opportunity to get closer to you. Daddy? I love you.

Right now, i just need some rest, that's all. I'm not dying yet ;)

- Gone for math lecture.